Who is the boss of Me?
Saturday, January 20, 2018
Looking at the world today it is difficult to believe I am the only person who has a complicated relationship with their desires. In point of view, it appears to be pandemic.
Following one’s Heart’s Desire is that thing we do if we are lucky and if we find the time. Or perhaps when we are young.
Becoming an adult it seems, means putting away such childish notions in order to forever attend to life’s responsibilities. That is until we reach the certain age at which we can retire; too old to do what we once dreamed and not quite dead… yet.
But the human spirit rebels against this established system. We mentally and physically breakdown into disease, depression, have psychotic breaks, or take drugs, use alcohol, binge watch television shows, excessively game, or the oh so popular condition of having a mid-life crisis.
Mid-life Crisis: taking stock in all we have accomplished, looking forward on this path to who we will become, and simply freaking the f*ck out. (I took the liberty to define this one on my own ;~)
Because, as my mother has often said, that I was a precocious child, it shouldn’t be surprising that my mid-life crisis also came early. And because I am an over-achiever I have had the esteemed privilege of enduring it for a really… really long time.
It had a lot to do with the depression to be sure. I kept looking at what had happened, where my life seemed it would end within this established system, and yeah… I kept freaking the f*ck out.
Only I didn’t follow the cliché pattern of buying a Porsche, dying my hair, and dating much younger men. Instead I climbed into a deep well of solitude.
Oh wait. Yeah…. The younger men thing I did do.
But all of that is changing. (Perhaps not the younger men… I did enjoy that bit.)
And guess what? It’s changing because I am learning through committed focus to Love and Trust my Self.
It seems quite strange that I should be struggling to love and trust my Self. Shouldn’t it be a simple matter and at least listed amongst our inalienable rights? But no, our forefathers were also struggling against authority and perhaps love and trust, even amidst accomplished dreamers was too incredible a dream.
Authority is an interesting concept. It seems that at some point in our history we gave up “the Being of who we are” to enter into an unending power struggle with and against the will of others.
Long ago, Someone made decisions about what people could and could not do. Someone became the Authority. But authority has a trickledown effect. It cannot be omnipresent, so others are needed to enforce decisions.
There is always a grey area when interpreting someone else’s decree because we cannot completely understand the intent. Enforcers working on behalf of the Authority use their experiences to perceive meaning and intent. Thus the original intent is changed, even if ever so slightly.
And because these enforcers are also not omnipresent, even more enforcers are needed. These new enforcers take notes, interpreting instructions as best they can, meting out justice or punishment based upon their interpretations. But still… these new enforcers are not omnipresent either.
On and on the delegation of authority goes… until finally parents and caregivers are in conflict with their own children. To be proud and raise good citizens, we train our children on how to act, who to be, and why they must become model students receiving excellent grades.
Guess what. I received excellent grades. But it hasn’t helped me feel loved, cherished, or make good decisions while I navigate through life.
The battle with Self vs conforming to this nebulous authority has gotten so bad it has resulted in things like suicide, murder, murder-suicides, theft, vandalism, cheating, hate crimes, lying, bullying, torture, rape, assault and whatever other horrible atrocities we can imagine in a futile attempt to control the actions of every Soul.
And the paradox is that all of these struggles appear to be commonplace. So much so that having authority seems to be “a necessary thing.”
So this begs the question: Who was the first person handing out decrees? How old is the system? How relevant is it to us today? And the way things are… was this the actual intent?
The trickledown effect of authority has left us asking others what we should and should not do. But the decision for action is truly the realm of the Soul.
And while it’s easy for me to say “Aww to hell with this sh*t. I’m going to do my own thing!” The reality is… there are many, many things that seem to require I at least somewhat conform to society to get.
I’m not ready to run for the hills or give up on my dreams of things like a convertible Bentley (iridescent champagne pink bodywith a black and cream interior… purrrr). Besides that, there are people here whose lives of which I ache to be a part… still stuck within this matrix, so to speak.
Pulling myself away from everything I’ve known, every life experience that exhaled a new fantasy or dream… that seems horribly wrong too.
So who is the Boss of Me?
I am the boss of my Self. Not aimed in destruction or domination, but lifting everything in my own energy field up. I intend to match the frequency of who my Soul is calling me to Be.
The Soul + Body = Action
Action is guided by Desire
Action is guided by Belief
My beliefs have been in conflict with my desires. Recognizing my Soul as the true authority is a big step toward changing this.
Much love until we meet again,
Goddess Victoria Crystal
Eternal Student of Life and Philosopher
Each blog is a tiny pixel to a much bigger picture. As I write, it is my desire to lay out a foundation upon which profound and meaningful insights may be expanded. To that end, I will also share deeply personal experiences so as to offer a greater understanding about how and why I have come to perceive the world as I do.
This is my path to Enlightenment. I welcome all who want to join me and welcome me as a part of their own.
Victoria Crystal 